For all those who found an interest in my post about two weeks ago, here is an update on where I’ve been and how things have been going. As always I write with the intention of explaining a part of my life honestly so that you can find something useful, helpful, and applicable to your own life 🙂
So I’m going to start off this post with the most brutal truth about my last two weeks: I spent the last week (the week after my post) in a rough state of depression. The initial euphoria of my epiphany wore off rather quickly and I found myself overwhelmed with the prospect of rewiring my brain and changing my mentality on relationships. Like “Holy shit, this isn’t going to be even close to easy…”
I had a week of severe sleep deprivation, which then affected my mood and my optimism, which then affected things with my girlfriend Julie, which then affected my sleep and I began the cycle all over again– a downward spiral. To say the least, it was not a fun week. I think all of us find ourselves in these kinds of loops from time to time, and when you’re the one stuck in it, it seems near impossible to get yourself out.
What began to pull me out of this was, of all things, a J. Cole song called “Love Yourz”. The song is basically about being thankful for what you’ve got and not idealizing that “bigger and better” thing. In it is a short line that reads “it’s beauty in the struggle”. Now obviously in the song it was meant in a different context, but I made it applicable to myself and my situation (as we tend to do with things…).
We never realize it, but there really is beauty in the struggle, even if we only see this in hindsight. The struggle is, many times, the cost we pay for the good; the harder the struggle, the better the end results will be. Throughout this last week I just had to keep reminding myself that the struggle meant that I was getting better– that better things were in store. The struggle was me facing the weaker parts of myself and, essentially, ridding myself of them to create something better, something stronger.
I guess I should’ve realized that, as when taking on any new task, the beginning is the hardest part. And, very thankfully, I made it through and feel better because of it. I’ve realized that faith, trust, and love are not things that you can actively learn (although I refuse to change the title of my posts…) They are actually results or products of smaller, much more mundane actions and thought-patterns– habits that we center our lives around.
So instead of becoming overwhelmed at the prospect of this large challenge I’m going to try to remember that it’s all going to come in the form of small tests, and each test is an opportunity for me to better myself and further my progress towards a life of, you guessed it, faith, trust, and love.
DANNY P WRITES